Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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