The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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