i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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