I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
