Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Boobs are out for the taking
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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