I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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