I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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