I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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