Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
