I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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