1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
