i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
