I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
