I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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