the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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