Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
