i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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