Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
