I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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