I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
