I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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