just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I would fuck him just for his dog
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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