please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
