Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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