i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
