I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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