...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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