So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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