do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
