My friends, they love my intelligence
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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