I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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