that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
