Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
