I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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