You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
