this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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