So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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