Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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