She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
