i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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