im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
