Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
