While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
