I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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