If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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