I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
