What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
