Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
