shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
