I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
