I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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