Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
