I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
