Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
