absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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