I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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