I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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