pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think my moral compass just broke
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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