I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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