My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize