my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
