It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
