At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
