Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
