I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
