Hey man sorry I got all grabby
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We were destined to go to rehab together
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It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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