You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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