Welp...herpes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
